A few months ago, I read some of Hoch’s Nick Velvet stories. Velvet is a gentleman thief with an odd MO. For $20,000 ($30,000 for dangerous jobs) he’ll steal anything you want…as long as it’s worthless. No gems, gold bars, or valuable paintings. Nick Velvet will steal movie props, pennies, and trash. And yet, he always has customers. The Thefts of Nick Velvet is a collection of the best of the then-released stories.
I’ve already read the first two stories, “The Theft of the Clouded Tiger” and “The Theft of the Onyx Pool” in the last collection, so we’ll move on to “The Theft of the Toy Mouse.” Velvet goes to Paris to swipe a 98-cent toy mouse being used as a prop in a movie. Nick gets the request by mail, and his client doesn’t give his full name, but a paycheck is a paycheck. This is one of those stories where the heist is the main attraction; stealing the mouse proves to be a harder job than Nick intended, but of course he pulls through. The reason for the theft is perfectly fine. I feel like it comes a bit out of nowhere and it’s based on something that I’ve never heard of. I’m sure that this thing exists, so I accept it.
“The Theft of the Meager Beavers” sees Nick hired by the Minister of Information of the Republic of Jabil, an island nation with its own baseball team, but no one to play against. Nick is supposed to find them an opposing team. He settles on the titular Beavers, a low-ranking team who’s kidnaping won’t disrupt the season. The kidnapping is surprisingly mundane for such a bonkers premise. This is the story the Open Road Media e-book advertises on the blurb, and for good reason. It’s eye-catching, and the story is deeply silly. That’s not to say that Hoch neglects the plot. Velvet can’t shake the feeling that this is about more than a baseball game. While there’s no way for the reader to figure out what’s going on, there’s a great moment when Velvet spells out and connects a bunch of information that any reader can notice and piece together. The whole thing is a bit too unreal to feel satisfying, and while I get the final line it didn’t set well with me, but you know what? I enjoyed it. Feels like Hoch noticed an odd coincidence and decided to write a story about it.
The next story has an interesting publication history: It was originally published in the British version of the magazine Argosy, and its appearance here was its first American publication. Nick Velvet is sent up to New England by a resort owner who’s facing competition from a resort up the road. The main attraction? A sea serpent! The client thinks it’s a fake but wants Velvet to snatch it anyway to strike a blow to the competitor. But the resort’s guests seem very convinced that they did see a serpent. And Velvet himself sees it up close, right before finding a body. The explanation for what the serpent is, again, silly, but I accept it in the spirit it was intended. It’s clear that Hoch was paying attention to sightings of sea serpents, noticed a certain trait, and made a story out of it.
“The Theft of the Seven Ravens” opens with Velvet being hired not to steal something. An agent of the British government wants Velvet to help protect the titular ravens, gifts from the nation of Gola. They’re an important animal in Gola and protecting them will help avert a diplomatic incident. Of course, the story would be pretty boring if Velvet just sat around and went home, so he’s approached by a young woman working on behalf someone who wants Velvet to steal the ravens. Velvet expertly plays both sides and collects his fee. There’s no real mystery here—Velvet discovers all the key information off-stage—but I thought the reason the ravens needed to be stolen was clever.
“The Theft of the Mafia Cat” sees Velvet approached by a childhood friend who has Mafia connections. He wants Velvet to swipe the right-hand cat of Mike Pirrone, a big-time man. Pirrone’s house is built like a fortress, so Velvet will have his work cut out for him. The focus here is on the heist, and it’s a joy to see Velvet at work. But the story does make it very clear how much of his success is down to him getting very lucky and rolling nat 20s on his Charisma checks; he gets off too easily in the end. The reason why his old friend needs the cat is predictable, but still clever.
Velvet has an unusual job in “The Theft from the Empty Room.” His client is Roger Surman, who’s trucking business has made him a wealthy man, but not a happy one. He wants Velvet to steal something from his importer brother Vincent's house. What is that something? Well, Surman doesn’t get a chance to tell Velvet due a surgery that will leave him incapacitated for a time. And when Velvet goes to the house, he finds that the back room is totally empty! And not just empty, but covered in a layer of dust, meaning there’s no chance that anything was in there recently. Roger’s brother claims that he’s unstable and trying to break up his marriage, but what’s really going on? The dual hook of Velvet not knowing what he’s meant to steal and the impossible aspect of nothing being in the room is great. And Hoch’s explanation is clever and set up well.
“The Theft of the Crystal Crown” is another “Velvet in Ruritania” story (there are a surprising amount of these). This time he’s in New Ionia and his target is the titular crown (actually made of glass), which is said to give its wielder de facto rulership of the nation. But outside of the actual theft of the crown—I like how Hoch manages to make each theft feel different from each other—there’s really not much to this story. There’s another plot going on in the background, but the cast is too small to have the solution be a real surprise.
“The Theft of the Circus Poster” opens with Nick meeting his client while the man is wearing clown makeup. He wants Nick to steal a circus poster from a former clown who now lives with his granddaughter. The client has already made a failed attempt at the theft which has made the granddaughter paranoid. And she is, much to Nick’s horror, a snake charmer with plenty of snakes for anyone trying to sneak in at night. Here the mystery is less “Why does the client want an old circus poster?” which gets explained partway through and more, “Why go through all this effort to steal a worthless poster when the owner would happily give it away?” and the answer to that is a good one. Nick’s final deduction hinges on an interesting trivia fact that Hoch read about, but you get all the information you need to figure out what the issue that Nick notices is. This is a fun story.
“The Theft of Nick Velvet” opens with Nick being lured to a parking lot by a man calling himself Max Solar where he’s bashed over the head and wakes up handcuffed to a bed. His captor is a former employee of the real Solar who was cheated out of a computer program. He knows that Solar was planning to hire Nick for something and preempted it. Nick, who has little interest in lying around handcuffed, talks the man and his girlfriend into stealing the item for them. The item in question is a ship’s manifest, although as usual both Nick’s clients and Solar himself are tight-lipped about why Nick needs to steal it. I enjoyed seeing how Nick steals the manifest, but then the story indulges in Hoch’s weakness: the unnecessary murder. The crime is perfunctory and Nick catches the killer out in a trivia fact. Good opening, slightly weak ending.
Nick goes to Washington in “The Theft of the General’s Trash” and is hired by some reporters to go through a general’s garbage. Said general is the president’s advisor on foreign affairs. The reporters want his garbage, but he dumps it in the incinerator every day. Also, they don’t actually know when whatever it is they’re looking for will be in there, so Velvet has to infiltrate his apartment complex multiple times. This part is great, with Velvet effortlessly slipping into what should be a very secure area and dealing with complications. I didn’t care for the resolution of the story, which involves a lot of plot twists dumped on the reader at the last second. This story also has more focus on Nick’s partner, Gloria. For the most part she hasn’t done anything but moon over Nick, but here she gets…not development, not really. The resolution feels sexist honestly. But it clearly gave Hoch a little more freedom in constructing these stories. This story is also clearly Hoch’s reaction to the then-current Watergate scandal, which is interesting.
“The Theft of the Bermuda Penny” sees Nick hired by a young woman who does want him to steal something of value. One-cent worth, to be exact. She has a penny with a mark on it and wants Nick to get its twin from gambler Alfred Cazar. Nick poses as a reporter to get close to the man and his bodyguard and ends up in a car on a road trip to Saratoga. During this Velvet gets scammed twice by Cazar, but Velvet confirms that he has the penny on him. But after a pit stop, something bizarre happens. Velvet gets in the driver’s seat, with Cazar behind him. He hears Cazar gets in, hears his voice…but when a trooper pulls the car over for speeding, Cazar is no longer in the back set! And this stretch of road is already infamous for other cases of a hitchhiker vanishing from back seats…
I first read this story in Otto Penzler’s The Black Lizard Big Book of Locked Room Mysteries and loved it. On this read, I’ll admit that there’s one aspect of the solution that’s a little cheesy, but otherwise the central problem is very good. There’s a lot going on here, from the disappearance to the reason for the theft to the scams Cazar pulls on Velvet, etc. There’s a really strong forward pace here, and Hoch mostly keeps a hold on his plot threads (except for the one about the hitchhiker, which even Velvet feels is a let-down). The story ends with a brilliant reversal that elevates it just that little bit more. But man, Nick lets the mastermind off real easily considering what they’ve done, and for little reason too.
Like I said in my last review, once I started reading the Velvet stories as heist stories rather than mysteries, I enjoyed them a lot more. Hoch varies up the thefts with every story and keeps them fresh. And this collection did a better job at giving a variety of reasons for stealing whatever item Velvet was after. I’d say that “Empty Room” and “Bermuda Penny” are the highlights, but this is an overall good collection. Recommended
Other Reviews: Mystery*File, Beneath the Stains of Time.





